What a glorious time to be Russian. Governed by a constitution that provides “freedom of ideas and speech” for everyone.1 And other wonderful freedoms, including a “freedom of conscience” and a “freedom of religion.” A Russian can’t “be forced to express his views and convictions or to reject them.” Thank God “censorship shall be banned.” A Russian “shall have the right to association” and “the freedom of activity of public association shall be guaranteed.” In fact “fundamental human rights and freedoms are inalienable and shall be enjoyed by everyone.” Yes, it’s a glorious time in Russia!
Oh sure, there’s the little matter that “the propaganda or agitation instigating social, racial, national or religious hatred and strife shall not be allowed.” Not to worry if a few of these terms aren’t defined. Actually, none of them are. But we Russians have a long history of trusting our leaders. We’re quite sure our freedom of speech and right to public association won’t be impaired by these couple of undefined tawdry little words. And yes, we know that our exercise of “the rights and freedoms of man and citizen shall not violate the rights and freedoms of other people.” But in government we trust.
We just can’t let people like Alexei Navalny stand in the way of our freedoms. That Navalny, he wants to replace Medvedev and be Prime Minister. Next thing you know, he’ll be running to take Putin’s place. Fat chance. Another guy on an “anti-corruption” crusade.
Thinks he and his friends can take to the streets and protest. What’s he think this is, Great Britain? And to think he wants to associate with others in that so-called Progress Party. We Russians don’t take to progress too well. All of this stuff really is just agitation instigating hatred. Put him on ice for a couple of months.
We don’t take to critics and crusaders too well either. Navalny, didn’t you see what happened to Boris Nemtsov, a top guy with that liberal opposition group, the Republican Party of Russia. We iced him down a few times for agitation instigation, but he just kept babbling and babbling. It got a little loud. He isn’t talking anymore. Won’t be for some time – can you say “eternity.”
Just ask that crybaby Mikhail Khodorkovsy. He’s in Switzerland now after ten years in our glorious prison system. A tax cheat, after all. He got off easy. Not so good for that so-called human rights lawyer, Stanislav Markelov. We can’t have lawyers working for Chechens. Same goes for Chechen human rights activists like Natalya Estemirova.
And we certainly can’t have Russians going around accusing our government of murder. Take that Boris Berezovsky. So you think the Kremlin killed Alexander Litvinenko, that former Russian agent who died from a little bit of radioactive polonium in his tea? Well, guess what happens when you start “hanging around” ropes.
There are a bunch of other guys too. The list is a bit long and we wouldn’t want to take up your free time. And we don’t want to persist with this too much. Might be seen as a bit of agitation, and we don’t want to interfere in the rights of other Russians, particularly not Mr. Putin. Wouldn’t want him to get too upset. It’s a glorious time to be Russian!
Oh, Mr. Trump – Mr. Putin’s actually a really good guy. You Americans kill a bunch of guys too, right?
